Chronicles of a University + Nursing Student - Post #1

So this week marks my 4th week as an official university/nursing student and I have to say, 

it's, on so many levels, wayyy different than high school.

At the current moment, the biggest emotion I'm currently feeling is:

OVERWHELMED.

Don't get me wrong, I love my program and the content I'm learning (that's not the issue - I genuinely know I made a good decision going into nursing), it's just the QUANTITY of the content!!! The amount of readings we get each day almost makes me want to projectile vomit and just thinking about it gives me goosebumps.

Despite the homework overload, I don't think I'm as far behind as some of my peers (I know people that are still on week 1 - YIKES). I think that for the most part, I'm up to date with my most important courses and just for future reference, I'm going to list the courses I need to catch up on:

- Anatomy & Physiology (Oh, Lord..)

- Psychology (Puke)

- Nutrition (..is a joke)

..See?! Not too shabby! Only 3/7 courses and I'm not even THAT behind.. (she says with doubt..) 

If I'm being completely honest though, I'm actually very scared. What if I don't get the marks I need to get? What if Anatomy and Physiology (double puke) pull me back? What if I never get caught up on readings?

Now for any of you reading this (*cricket, cricket*), you might be wondering, "WHY THE HELL ARE YOU WASTING YOUR TIME WRITING THIS BLOG POST WHEN YOU SHOULD BE DOING YOUR READINGS?!" 

Well, let me tell you something.

A big reason why I'm so far behind is because every time I open up my books and my Macbook to do my readings and make some notes, I have this huge, overwhelming feeling looming over me that's hindering me from actually completing the task. I feel like I need to let it all out before I actually crack down, you know?

Anyways, my main goals for this 4th week (already?!) is to get caught up on those 3 courses I mentioned above and to finish my Psych study notes.. and my Nutrition assignments.. and my Psych paper (eventually).. OH, SWEET JESUS MURPHY.

Pray for me, y'all.

Toodles.

Sty xo

Things I Want To Say

When I say you mean everything to me, I mean you mean everything to me.

I literally feel like you know me better than my own family knows me and there are times where the only person in the entire world that is capable of putting the slightest hint of a smile on my face is you.

You're the best thing that has ever happened to me.

If you never walked in to my life, I know 100% that I would not be the person that I am today.

The person I am today is a person that I am proud of.. on most days. 

Nevertheless, you've literally pushed me and motivated me beyond so many limits these past 4 years.

You're the love of my life.

I know that no matter what, you are and always will be the love that I cherish the most.

I've never loved as hard and as fiercely as I love you.

You're the one.

I can't even begin to conceptualize anybody else by my side for the rest of my life.

It's always you.. It's always you.

There's literally nobody else out there that captures my heart or even my attention as much as you do and I have no desire in finding out if there's anybody else that comes even remotely close to you.

I already know that there's nobody else.

I know that I'll always be in love with you.

Always. 

Always and forever - that will never change for me.

I would literally go through bullshit after bullshit for you.

There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. 

As cheesy as it sounds but I'm fucking dead serious when I say if you were at gun point, I wouldn't have to think twice to take that bullet for you.

Caring for you and making you happy gives me the best feeling in the entire world.

When I see you happy, especially if I'm the reason why, I'm literally instantly overjoyed - it's a feeling I would never trade for anything in the entire world.

I wish you loved me as much as I love you.

I just want to be enough for you - because you're more than enough for me.

You're much more than I deserve.

I just want to be your only one.

I wish you'd realize that nobody can love you as unconditionally as I can.

I pray one day that you'll realize how much I truly love you.

Every time I say my prayers, I always say you last because even with God, I like to save the best for last.

When I pray, it's mostly about you - about us.

You make me incredibly happy.

You're irreplaceable.

You're my first love - I want you to be my last.

I wish things were back to the way they were.

I miss you.

I miss us.

I love you.

The People I Get Along With The Least: My Mother & My Second Youngest Sibling

I don't know if it's just me but I live in a household with two very aggressive, hard-headed, tyrannic women.  

That may sound bad all the time but it's not that bad all the time.

Most of the time, it is.

Let's start with my mother.

She was born and raised her whole life in the Philippines, a whole other culture and she was a law student, aspiring to become a lawyer in the Philippines.  Right before she gave birth to me, she was just about to take her bar exam (which I have no doubt in my mind that she would have passed) but she decided not to go through with it because, well.. I was baking in her oven. 

(Not literally)

Anyways, my mother has always been a very strong woman, which is pretty much an understatement for the kind of person she is.  She asserts herself in whatever way she can, she LOVES to exercise control over anything and anyone and she definitely has NO problem speaking her mind.  In this aspect, I fully and totally admire her for the woman that she is.  She's incredibly hardworking like you wouldn't believe and I actually think she's an undercover super hero sometimes (full-time business woman, full-time mother to 3 kids, full-time wife, full-time everything). 

I completely love and respect my mother with every bone and cell in my body, trust me, but she is the most infuriating person in the entire planet sometimes (don't I just sound like a teenager? Heh).  She's completely tyrannic because she has the SHORTEST (and when I say short, I mean MINUSCULE) temper I've ever experience in any individual my entire life.  She's a very passionate woman so when she gets angry - she gets REALLY angry. 

She says a lot of things that she doesn't mean and are completely unreasonable, she does things very drastically and dramatically just to unleash her anger.. Overall, she's the worst person to be around when she's not in a good mood.  I just wish that she were able to control her anger more and stop taking things so seriously and so heavily and just start... you know, being more light-hearted and slow-tempered.  Her temper and her inability to control her temper (despite the fact that she seems to be a master at control everything and everyone else) is really starting to take a toll on our relationship and I really don't want that with my mom.  When she's in a good mood, we have tons of fun together and she's super fun to be around.  She's funny, she's easy-going, she's such a good vibe to be around... when she's in a good mood.  Otherwise, she's a complete (excuse me, Jesus) bitch. 

Segue over to my second-youngest sister now.

My second-youngest sister is a year and 8 months younger than me so we're basically twins (we look very much alike, same height and everything) and we do everything together.  Unfortunately... You know how they say there's a good twin and there's a bad twin?  

She's most definitely the bad twin.

From the moment we were babies, she was the one who threw a tantrum every 2 seconds, who screamed her head off all night long for no reason, who refused to be put down and left alone, who threw things at people and hit people whenever they approach them.

Little has changed since then.  

While I inherited my dad's calm, easy-going, slow-tempered, semi-careless mindset... she inherited my mom's mindset.  

It can be really difficult living with ONE tyrant, imagine with living with two?!  It drives me insane sometimes.  I'm not saying I'm perfect (those two are MUCH better than me at many, many, many things) but what I like about myself is that I am very good at controlling my anger and I have a very slow-temper.  I don't come off as intimidating or scary, I'm more relaxed and happy-go-lucky.

A lot of the times, I feel like those two team up and gang up on me whenever I say something that they disagree with.  Whenever they say something that I disagree with, I usually just keep my comments to myself and listen to whatever they're saying to avoid an argument but they really have no trouble starting one.

The crazy, hypocritical thing is that once the argument starts - they blame it on me!

I think that because those two are just so OBSESSED with control and being right all the time, they can't handle being wrong at sometimes and can never admit when they do wrong.  It's disheartening because they're such good people and they're strong attitude and quick temper get way ahead of them.

I cherish the times when neither of us are screaming at each other or giving each other attitude because it could literally be only a few seconds and then BAM - we're all screaming again.

I feel like myself and my poor dad are just basically the doormats they walk on a lot of the times and maybe we take for granted what my mom does, I know I should really express more appreciation for what she does because she really deserves it, but I think that it should be a two-way streak as well.

I'm just praying that our family dynamics will strengthen and we'll just grow stronger together as a unit because these lunatics mean the most to me in the whole world.

Regardless of all of this, I still love them and they're my rock.

Can't choose family, right?

Lol.

Cheers,

Sty xo

University: My Thoughts as a Freshman + Helpful Cost-Cutting Tips!

So in about less than 24 hours, my university life will officially commence.

I am feeling the following things:

• Scared
• Excited
• Nervous
• Stressed
• Anxious
• Ready
• Joyous
• Scared

Tomorrow will be the first day of "frosh week" at my university. For those unfamiliar with what frosh week is, it's basically a week jampacked with events and parties for freshmen students coming into the university for the first time, geared towards building friendships with other freshmen and/or upper classmen and getting yourself familiar with the school and your professor. 

To sum it all up: frosh week is designed for maximum fun, as cheesy as it may sound.

It's a week with a bunch of games and activities, concerts at the school, season opener games, new friends, new profs, new school, etc, etc.

I don't do that well with meeting new people at first, it takes awhile to get me comfortable with it but I'm hoping to break out of my shell this week. Lucky for me, I won't be going into frosh week totally solo, I'll have my boyfriend with me, seeing as we're fortunate enough to be going to school at the same university.

After frosh week, we get one more long weekend and then it's CLASS IS IN SESSION on the 3rd of September. I'm pretty eager to learn (yikes, don't I sound like the most exciting kid ever?) but I am scared of not doing well. I've made all the vows and prayed every prayer that I will do well and be successful academically (amongst other things) but I'm just afraid I'll let things get ahead of me. I'm not a HUGE procrastinator, surprisingly enough and compared to most, so hopefully all my readings will be done on time and I'll be diligent enough to study suuuper hard for every quiz/test/exam/lab/etc.

Oh, Lord. Pray for me, guys, that I pass this year with flying colours and make the Mamabear & Papabear proud bears indeed.

On another note, another thing that's grinding my gears is the COST. I don't know any university student/parent of a university student who isn't pissed off at university costs.

Just for a quick overview, here's a list of what you'll be sacrificing your wallet for when you go to university:

• Tuition: For university, between $5000 - $12000+, it depends on the program
• Books: Between $800 - $1500
• Transportation OR Residency: Transportation can be between $250-$400/month whereas residency will cost you around $8000-$15000 for 8 months
• Necessary materials: Could be between $30 (if you're lucky) up to the hundreds (ie: Since I'm a BScN student, I'll be cashing out quite a bit for a nursing kit and other medical supplies, it depends on the program)
• Food: If you're on residence, you'll need a meal plan which will cost you an extra $2000-$4000 on top of your residence cost whereas if you're commuting, you'll have to budget around $50-$100 a week
• *A laptop: Around $500 - $3000 (BUT... some will argue that you don't need a laptop for university, just a pencil and paper and if you have a robotic hand that can write at a bionic speed or you're a completely incompetent typer, go nuts with that pencil and paper. I suggest buying a laptop, my opinion)

...See what I mean about university murdering your wallet? Student debt is not an uncommon thing, people, I see that now. Fortunately, there are tons of cost-cutting tips and I have some to share. Here they are:

1. APPLY FOR SCHOLARSHIPS/GRANTS/BURSARIES/OSAP/TUITION DISCOUNTS!!! This is probably my biggest cost-cutting tip. DON'T SLEEP ON IT!!! Surprisingly, many people don't take advantage of all THE FREE MONEY JUST SITTING IN THESE UNIVERSITIES!!! It literally takes 10 minutes at mosts to apply to these things and the requirements are usually: A) Be a post-secondary student B) Write an essay about how cool you are. I'm telling you, DON'T SLEEP ON APPLYING FOR THESE THINGS!!! 
2. If you're close enough to your university, look into commuting rather than living on residence. Commuting saves you TONS of money, residence nowadays is just ridiculously overpriced. Yes, I do know the commuting means you'll have to wake up an hour or so earlier than you would like to but in my opinion, waking up at 6 instead of 7 for an 8 am class is an easier sacrifice than $10000. *Note: This does not apply if you're hours and hours away from your university. In that case, please stay on residence.
3. Your campus store will offer discount codes - just ask around. Nothing beats getting something on sale/discounted rather than facing crummy full prices.
4. If you can and you have the opportunity to, PACK YOUR LUNCH and/or MAKE YOUR OWN FOOD! Meal plans are usually EXTREMELY overpriced and the food is not the most forgiving to that anticipated beach bod. 
5. Yes, I know it's university, you're of legal age and you want to go out to every club and buy bottles for every single table at that club. Unfortunately, your main status is that you're a STUDENT and not P-Diddy. You will have to prioritize your spending money and give yourself PRACTICAL allowances (and yes, that $250 sweater is very impractical).

That 5th rule is going to be a doozy and a half for me to follow but I'll try my best. 

I'm just SO ready to be able to enter a more "adult" life and be able to study what I actually WANT to study this time. Although, I'll be missing the childhood mindset and responsibilities when the most we had to remember was to get Mommy or Daddy to sign a permission slip. Now WE actually have to sign these slips ourselves... ugh. 

Going into university for the first time has made me scared for venturing out into the Big Girl World and leaving behind the security blanket that was my childhood/young teenagehood. I so took comfort and took advantage of everything that came so easy to me years prior, I know that now and I'll regret something and of course, I'll miss it.

Unfortunately, I have no choice but to put on my Big Girl Pants at this point in my life and go into university with my head held high, Macbook in tow and a venti coffee that is the only thing standing between me falling straight asleep on my lecture hall floor.

If I'm offering you one big tip on university, it's this:

Work hard, play harder. Be humble. Meet new people. Keep those family and any other loved one close. Be goal-oriented. Achieve. Break out of your shell. Explore. Laugh. Cry (really hard sometimes). Be open-minded. Make good decisions. Be kind to one another.

Good luck to all other freshmen - I'M PRAYING FOR ALL OF US! 

Good luck to any other university student out there.

University, I'm comin' for ya'.

Cheers.

Sty xo

MY Thoughts On An "OPEN RELATIONSHIP"

Up until recently, I never fully considered an "open relationship." Actually, I always thought of it as a stupid concept and a pathetic label for someone who has commitment issues. To be honest, I still feel the same way but up until recently, I've seen this concept in a new light.

An open relationship, from MY understanding, is being in "casual" relationships with multiple people. It basically means that while you may be seeing one person, you are in no way monogamous to that one person and you have other people you are calling/texting/kissing/having sex with/calling 'baby'/etc.

My boyfriend & I have been going through a lot of issues lately, mostly dealing with the fact that our 4 year relationship has kind of hit a plateau - basically, we're in a rut. We both agreed that there was something lacking in our relationship lately and we weren't on the same page anymore - we both were at a point where we realized that we had different goals for our relationship.

So after tons of talking (and tears), we decided that we needed to really figure out what we wanted for ourselves individually and what we wanted for each other and together as a couple. He decided that he would like to try seeing other people, seeing as I'm the only girl he's ever had a relationship with BUT he also wants to work on our relationship TOGETHER. I decided that I would also TRY to see other people while we work on our relationship as well, although I would prefer to stay monogamous. Basically, we decided on trying out this "experiment" but making the focus of this "experiment" about us - working on US and rebuilding our relationship; creating a stronger foundation for us as a couple and as best friends.

That's the most important thing to both of us while we try out this relationship - the fact that we work on us.

In short, here are the basic terms & conditions of our "experiment":

1.) We stay together; we're not breaking up.

2.) For the duration of frosh week (the "party week" before we start university), we will also try to CASUALLY see other people (ie: a little flirting, a little kissing, a little dancing, etc).

3.) We hold off on any physical intimacy (for the most part) in our relationship until we're at the point where we're both on the same page again.

4.) We focus on the "best friend" part of our relationship and try to connect on a deeper level.

5.) He tries out new experiences and gains more knowledge about relationships and other girls so he's not so naive about that whole scene.  

6.) I try not to think so much about the past or the future and try focus on living in the moment and taking our relationship day by day.

7.) We both set up goals for each other as a couple and we work hard to achieve these goals day by day together.

The only thing that's grinding my gears is the "seeing other people" part... I just wish that he wouldn't need/want to see other people, you know? He says that he just wants to try it and see how it goes, just for some experience and I guess for "fun" purposes but I do kind of feel like he wants/needs to do this because I'm depriving him of important life experiences. In a way, I do know that I am depriving him of the experience of being with other girls because I'm his first and only but I just wish I was enough for him. It's lowkey killing me that I'm not enough but I take comfort knowing he needs me in his life and he would also like to put more focus on US and OUR relationship. It's still really comforting and reassuring knowing that he still loves me very much, he doesn't want me out of his life and he wants to focus on us more than anything in this experiment. If I love him as much as I say I do, I'll let him try to see other girls and gain new experiences.

I even asked him that if me and any other girl he would be "seeing" or hooking up with at the time were to get into a cat fight, which side he would take and he said,

"YOURS, OBVIOUSLY!" 

Haha. Bitches.

Regardless of what encounters we may have with other people within the next few weeks, we both know and agree that we're both more important than any sideline hoe or sideline.. man, lol. 

We're also starting a new and really big chapter in both of our lives - university. We started and ended high school together and we both decided that since technically, we'll be entering "the real world" in a few short weeks, we should begin a new, more mature stage in our relationship. I can't let him enter this more mature stage of our relationship without letting him experience other things as well first.

I just hope that we don't lose sight of what's most important during this experiment - each other.

We'll see how this goes!

Cheers to a more mature and stronger relationship built on a stronger foundation.

Anyways, bye.

Sty xo   

THEY FINALLY CAME IN, 6 MONTHS LATER!! - Deandri: Gerti Shoe Review

Now.. if you can still remember..

6 months ago, around February, I won a contest on Instagram with Deandri where they gave 2 people FREE SHOES!

I was super, extremely ecstatic and I even wrote a blog post about how super, extremely ecstatic I was.

THEY PROMISED ME THEY'D COME IN 1 MONTH AFTER I WON THE CONTEST.

Well.. it's about 6 months later and they arrived at my door yesterday.

I won't be grouch about it though because THEY'RE FREE and they're $120 originally so.. 

THANKS, DEANDRI!! 

Here are some pictures for you guys.

(All pictures are taken by me, myself and I and are taken with a Canon Rebel T2i)

..Were you drooling? I know I was. I practically slept with these bad boys.

So just an FYI, Deandri is a shoe company that's based in California where they specialize in handmade shoes.  The wooden heel and platform is pretty much their trademark.  When you first hold these shoes, you can immediately tell of the effort and craftsmanship that was put into them - they are incredibly handmade.

Kudos, Deandri.

So I did order the GERTIS in BLACK.

I believe you can purchase these in either black, white or nude, I'm not too sure about any other colours.  I do know that Deandri sell SOME shoes in pink, maybe even just one type of shoe, but I'm not 100% on this so don't quote me on that.

I've already worn them around my house a few times, as you do, and they're ABSOLUTELY LUSH to walk in.  The heel is no more than 4 inches long PLUS it has a thick ol' platform so essentially, your foot is almost flat.  The only "uncomfortable" factor is that if you're not used or too keen on chunky, clunky shoes, these can get pretty heavy for you so you may have to walk around in them more often to get used to them and to break them in better.

Other than that - THEY'RE SOOOOOOOO COMFY!!!

They're made of real leather - super soft and not shiny whatsoever, yay.  The whole bottom part (the heel + platform) are real wood and, as I mentioned before, very well made but can get very heavy so if you have delicate feet, just wear these around the house to break them in before wearing them out.  They came with white laces and I can pretty much think of about 5 outfits off the top of my head that I would wear these with.  They're insanely versatile.

I did order these in a size 6 (I'm normally a 5.5) but since Deandri doesn't sell shoes smaller than a 6, I had to order their smallest size and honestly - they're absolutely fine, they fit my feet great.  I do have some wiggle room but I like that because in the case the my elfish feet decide to grow into normal human size, I can still wear these and get my "money's worth" out of them!

They are a bit pricey as well, they're originally $120 so if you're looking to splurge or just want to invest in some really good shoes, I do suggest looking into these.  They are quite casual due to the size of the heel and the colour, they're super comfortable to walk in and they step up that shoe game, you know? 

I will have a shoe-unboxing video up on my video channel so I'll link that in another blog post when I have that edited!

Thank you so, so, so much, Deandri for giving me the opportunity to own such amazing shoes for free!  I'm super grateful! 

You can check out Deandri online here. 

 (***NOTE, MY PACKAGE CAME WITH EXTRA LACES ((4 NEON ONES)) AND SOME DEANDRI TEMPORARY TATTOOS ((4)).  I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE IF THEY DO THAT WITH EVERY PACKAGE THEY SEND OUT OR IF THEY JUST GAVE ME SOME EXTRA GOODIES FOR WINNING A CONTEST)

Stay tuned for my next post!  Since it's summer break, I'll posting a lot more on here.

Ciao,

Sty xo

This blog post is not sponsored by Deandri.  They do include a free pair of shoes which I won in their Instagram contest.  Other than the items mentioned, I was not given anything else for free nor are they sponsoring me.

In a moment of unbearable boredom (ah, my exciting Friday night) - MY WEDDING DRESS IDEAS

Nobody panic.

I'm only 18 - WELL, OFFICIALLY 18 TOMORROW ON APRIL 20TH, 2013. 

(WOO!!!)

Therefore, I am not getting married for a very long time.

With that said, I AM EXTREMELY bored at the moment as I spend my TOO EXCITING Friday night before my birthday at home, watching wedding shows on TLC.

(Anybody else obsessed with wedding shows, ie: Say Yes to the Dress, I Found the Gown, Four Weddings, etc.?)

Now anyone who knows me really, really well knows my obsession with weddings.

I told The Boyf, who so kindly did NOT freak out, that I am indeed obsessed with weddings and if I were not pursuing a career in nursing, I would probably pursue a career as a wedding planner or wedding dress stylist.

With that being said, after watching about 1 000 000 & 1 wedding shows for awhile now, I've developed a PRETTY good idea about what my future wedding dress will look like.

THE DRESS

I'm not that big on DESIGNERS, I only really know a few; namely, the most well known ones (ie: Wang, Pnina, Lazaro, Paloma, Sottero, A. Angelo).  To me, as long as it fits well and looks really good and I absolutely love it, it'll do just fine.

I do see myself as being the traditional bride.  This means something white/oyster/pearl/ivory, something a-line with a slight poof OR a ballgown.  Strapless. Sweetheart.  Roushing (sp? I never got how to spell that word properly).  Touch of bling.  Classic but with a little.. PIZAZ.  Ya feels me?

Now - the budget.  I really don't believe that you should be spending more than maybe $3500 - $5000 on your wedding dress.  If budget permits by that time, I would probably cap my budget at $5000 max (and if possible, that includes alterations and the veil).

 

Alfred Angelo: http://www.sophiesgownshoppe.com/alfred-angelo/80ww2w65w

What caught my eye with this one is the sparkles on the bottom and the roushing (sp? LOL IDK W/E).  I am a big fan of sparkles but not TOO much of it and I know that the whole bottom is decked out in sparkles but in my opinion, it's so small and gives the right amount of shine; tastefully done.  I also love that the roushing is done right on the waist area, really gives the illusion of an even tinier waist.

Maggie Sottero: http://www.sophiesgownshoppe.com/maggie-sottero/80ww2w25ww3

I absolutely LOVE the top of this dress! The bead work is impeccably done and I love the detail along the waist! Also the chiffon-type bottom makes it extra cute - chiffon means it's lightweight, comfortable and easy to walk down the aisle/dance with! 

Paloma Blanca: http://www.sophiesgownshoppe.com/paloma-blanca/80ww2w69w

I really do love roushing, my future wedding dress most DEFINITELY has to have roushing in it.  It makes you look so much thinner and it just make the dress hug your body in all the right places.  #WerkIt.

*Pnina Tornai: http://www.pninatornai.co.il/eng/video1.aspx?pid=1629

Ughhhh, I LOVE LOVE LOVE this one!!! The detail along the waist, the detail along the neckline, the corset bodice, the layered bottom - LOVVVE! Well obviously, who doesn't love Pnina?  Here's to my dreams of hopefully one day being able to afford one.  Cheers!

Despite any expectations I may have of my future wedding dress, I do know that my expectations will change throughout the years and who knows?  By the time it does come around to my wedding, I may want a fit & flare, mermaid!  

Like I said, as long as it fits well, looks good and I absolutely love it - I'll be a happy cookie bride! 

To any brides or bride-to-be's out there: GOOD LUCK AND HAPPY HUNTING! Have a fabulous dress, a fabulous wedding and a fabulous marriage! 

Cheers.

Sty xo