Up until recently, I never fully considered an "open relationship." Actually, I always thought of it as a stupid concept and a pathetic label for someone who has commitment issues. To be honest, I still feel the same way but up until recently, I've seen this concept in a new light.
An open relationship, from MY understanding, is being in "casual" relationships with multiple people. It basically means that while you may be seeing one person, you are in no way monogamous to that one person and you have other people you are calling/texting/kissing/having sex with/calling 'baby'/etc.
My boyfriend & I have been going through a lot of issues lately, mostly dealing with the fact that our 4 year relationship has kind of hit a plateau - basically, we're in a rut. We both agreed that there was something lacking in our relationship lately and we weren't on the same page anymore - we both were at a point where we realized that we had different goals for our relationship.
So after tons of talking (and tears), we decided that we needed to really figure out what we wanted for ourselves individually and what we wanted for each other and together as a couple. He decided that he would like to try seeing other people, seeing as I'm the only girl he's ever had a relationship with BUT he also wants to work on our relationship TOGETHER. I decided that I would also TRY to see other people while we work on our relationship as well, although I would prefer to stay monogamous. Basically, we decided on trying out this "experiment" but making the focus of this "experiment" about us - working on US and rebuilding our relationship; creating a stronger foundation for us as a couple and as best friends.
That's the most important thing to both of us while we try out this relationship - the fact that we work on us.
In short, here are the basic terms & conditions of our "experiment":
1.) We stay together; we're not breaking up.
2.) For the duration of frosh week (the "party week" before we start university), we will also try to CASUALLY see other people (ie: a little flirting, a little kissing, a little dancing, etc).
3.) We hold off on any physical intimacy (for the most part) in our relationship until we're at the point where we're both on the same page again.
4.) We focus on the "best friend" part of our relationship and try to connect on a deeper level.
5.) He tries out new experiences and gains more knowledge about relationships and other girls so he's not so naive about that whole scene.
6.) I try not to think so much about the past or the future and try focus on living in the moment and taking our relationship day by day.
7.) We both set up goals for each other as a couple and we work hard to achieve these goals day by day together.
The only thing that's grinding my gears is the "seeing other people" part... I just wish that he wouldn't need/want to see other people, you know? He says that he just wants to try it and see how it goes, just for some experience and I guess for "fun" purposes but I do kind of feel like he wants/needs to do this because I'm depriving him of important life experiences. In a way, I do know that I am depriving him of the experience of being with other girls because I'm his first and only but I just wish I was enough for him. It's lowkey killing me that I'm not enough but I take comfort knowing he needs me in his life and he would also like to put more focus on US and OUR relationship. It's still really comforting and reassuring knowing that he still loves me very much, he doesn't want me out of his life and he wants to focus on us more than anything in this experiment. If I love him as much as I say I do, I'll let him try to see other girls and gain new experiences.
I even asked him that if me and any other girl he would be "seeing" or hooking up with at the time were to get into a cat fight, which side he would take and he said,
"YOURS, OBVIOUSLY!"
Haha. Bitches.
Regardless of what encounters we may have with other people within the next few weeks, we both know and agree that we're both more important than any sideline hoe or sideline.. man, lol.
We're also starting a new and really big chapter in both of our lives - university. We started and ended high school together and we both decided that since technically, we'll be entering "the real world" in a few short weeks, we should begin a new, more mature stage in our relationship. I can't let him enter this more mature stage of our relationship without letting him experience other things as well first.
I just hope that we don't lose sight of what's most important during this experiment - each other.
We'll see how this goes!
Cheers to a more mature and stronger relationship built on a stronger foundation.
Anyways, bye.
Sty xo
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